story, v. funny!

OMG! must post story i wrote 4 LA!!!

(side note, ppl and places aren't real)
(another side note, this will be like the longest blog ever)

Kostanza- evilest teacher ever?

Once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away... no that won’t do. One fine day… no, that’s too… oh, I don’t know! It’s too SOMETHING! How am I ever going to get this stupid project started? If only I’d been assigned a different teacher…no, I like my teacher, but I would definitely have a much higher grade if I had a different teacher.

This is how every evening started and ended- me trying to do my LA homework. Nothing ever got done. The assignments were hard and the grader was harsh, she was a nice person, don’t get me wrong, but she was the toughest of all the teachers for that class. My friends all made fun of me when I complained of how late I’d stayed up trying to finish my paper.

“Ha ha! Our teacher never gives us that much homework!”
My home schooled friends are the worst.

“Hee, hee! We don’t have any homework; we get it all done during the day! Why would anyone want to stay up that late?”

And this is how every day goes by. Week by week. Quarter by quarter. Thankfully it’s just this year- but it could be even worse next year! Actually, that’s a scary thought; it’s hard to imagine anyone who’s a more difficult teacher than my LA teacher.

One kid decided something needed to be done about it. What did he do? How? Why didn’t we hear about it in the news? It’s a long story, so go make yourself a cuppa, get comfy, and read on. Ok, ready?

To start off, Ms. Ellie Kostanza teaches Enriched Language Arts at Newbury High School. She is the toughest teacher you can get for that class. Its no party let me tell you. But still, we learn a lot and we try hard and even though everyone complains about the work load, no one would dispute that she’s a good teacher- except, Raymond. Raymond had Kostanza (or as he called her- “Can’t stand ya”) 1st semester, but, he was convinced that she hated him and that was the only thing that caused him to get such a bad grade. So he got his counselor to switch him out of her class. Now if the story had stopped there, there would be no story- but it didn’t. Raymond was angry about his D+ semester grade. And if his D+ semester grade hadn’t been his own fault, he would be right to be mad. But it was- almost entirely. Now Raymond decided he wanted to get revenge, and his revenge wasn’t going to be sweet for anyone. So he went home one day, and he started planning. And his planning got eviler as the night grew deeper and deeper. Finally, at 3:33 am, the darkest part of the night, he stumbled across- quite by accident- a master plan. It was so masterful that no one- not even Sherlock Holmes himself- would be able to figure out who set the plan in motion. But he would need accomplices.

The first person he texted for help was Ciaty, a girl who was incredibly good at imitating sounds and would have no problem tearing someone apart because it was her hobby. Then he contacted Diogy. Diogy was a junior that had Kostanza sophomore year and would be more then willing to make sure no one else had to have such an evil, malignant teacher. By 4:00 am that morning, Raymond had his crew, and by 5 they had met at the school and were ready for action. The first thing they did was post Raymond and Ciaty as sentinels at both ends of the hall. Then Diogy quickly picked the lock in Kostanza’s room and then Ciaty did her work on the phone.

“Hello, this is the district main office. To whom may I connect you?”

“Who deals with bomb threats?” Ciaty asked in a dead-on imitation of Kostanza.

“Oh my, I’ll connect you right away,” the frightened secretary responded as she scurried to send the call through to the safety department.

A nasal voice spoke into the phone on the other end; “Hello, this is the safety department. What may I do for you?” Ciaty almost laughed right into the phone, it came out as sort of a snort.

“What was that? Who is this?” the same voice demanded. Intoxicated by the thought of how much fun she could have with this lady, Ciaty scrapped the original bomb threat plan and magnificently layered the nasal voice over Kostanza’s.

“What was that? Who is this?” Ciaty said back to the phone. Raymond was stuck between incontrollable fury and overwhelming hilarity. Thankfully neither of them made a noise, because if anyone had walked down the hall and heard two people burst out laughing in a supposedly locked room that had the lights out, they would be likely to investigate.

“I’m going to track this call, whoever you are,” the nasal voice threatened.

“Ah yes, that reminds me,” Ciaty said removing the nasal layer on Kostanza’s voice, “I was calling to report a very serious bomb threat to Newbury High School- I have from a very reliable source that it was planted in a teacher’s room, but my source refused to say which teacher.”

“We will look into that,” the nasal voice responded. The line clicked and the dial tone buzzed in Ciaty’s ear.

“That didn’t go very well,” Diogy said, still laughing a bit.

“That was a bit of an understatement” Raymond said icily. “But the nasal voice was hilarious, I’ll give ya that. Now we need to get out of here, and probably think of a new plan.”

They scuttled out the door, ran on tiptoes down the hall, and bolted out the door and across the parking lot to Diogy’s house. His mom had the early shift at the hospital, so they were in the clear as they let themselves in the house at 5:30 on a Monday morning.

“Now what are we going to do?” Diogy asked, disappointed. He had been so excited to get Kostanza into hot water.

“Well, my suggestion is that we crash until 8:15, then leave one at a time, and go to school. Maybe one of us will come up with a brilliant idea while we’re sleeping.” Ciaty suggested.

“I’m not giving up yet,” Raymond said, with an edge to his voice, “We can’t stop until she’s not teaching anymore.”

“We could plant a real bomb after they think the danger is gone,” Diogy perked up.

“But then we’d hurt students too. I have lots of friends in that class.” Raymond shot down the idea.

“Yeah, well, losses is losses,” Ciaty agreed with Diogy, “We could set it to go off during her prep hour.”

“I don’t want to kill anyone,” Raymond insisted. “It’s too easy for it to go wrong. Someone else could be in there, or she might not even be there.”

“Are you turning sissy on us?” Diogy taunted.

“No,” Raymond, “I’m thinking more along the lines of eye for eye, tooth for tooth. Not head for tooth.”

“But exploding stuff is more fun,” Ciaty pouted.

“Well, go explode Al Qaeda then!” Raymond shot back. “We’re not going to kill anyone- end of discussion. But I do think we’d better take Ciaty’s suggestion to sleep on any plans we want to try.”

“Fine” the others answered sullenly.

Raymond was starting to worry about the loyalty of his partners. They didn’t seem to be in it for the same reasons as he was. Their excitement about a bomb and death and killing disturbed him greatly. As he wrestled with his conscious the sunrise reached it’s most colorful point. He heard a voice behind him.

"Kostanza is a real person. She has a right to make her own life, and you have the duty to let her do that.”

Raymond spun around but nothing was there. The voice spoke again, again from behind him, but now behind him was the window.

“It is your choice Raymond. You don’t hold much more sway over these vagabonds. How long before they do something stupid and you get the blame? What about your life? Kostanza hasn’t ruined it. She’s just made it difficult for a while. Let it go. Move on.”

Again, Raymond twirled around, and again there was no one there. He didn’t have to think long about what the voice had said before he knew what to do. He snuck out of Diogy’s house and ran home. He avoided his insubordinate cohorts at school. He tried hard in all his classes to make sure he would never give any teacher a reason to hate him again. Nothing ever came of the botched bomb threat call. They had no other source of information and decided that it was a prank call. In her junior year, Ciaty got expelled for having a knife at school. During his senior year, Diogy overdosed on drugs and died. But by his senior year, Raymond had a full scholarship at the U of M, lots of friends, and a full happy life a head of him.